“Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves’ eyes. Behold, thou art fair, my beloved, yea, pleasant: also our bed is green. The beams of our house are cedar, and our rafters of fir”. Song 1:15-17
We can use different colours to report different kind of marriages around us. Every marriage has colour that represents it. You need to learn about these colour they change the colour of your own marriage.
- Black Marriage. This is the marriage of unbelievers, people who do not know the Lord, whose marriage is not based on Biblical principles but on worldly philosophy and human understanding. This marriage is always full of strife, demonstration of flesh and negative habits and character. “The way of the wicked is as darkness: they know not at what they stumble”. Proverbs 4:19.
- Yellow Marriage. This is a marriage at “drifting level”. It was once full of love, intimacy, acceptance, romance and joy. Due to carelessness or busyness of the couples involved, they begin to neglect each other, taking each other for granted, remove courtesy, honour and respect, spends less and less time together. No more playing time, no time to do those “sweet things” they use to do when they were in courtship and honey moon, they allow other things to be their focus instead of each other. At this stage of marriage, women are known to put all their attention on their children to the detriment of their marriage, leaving their marriage to grow “yellowish” and dry. Men at drifting love or yellow marriage put all their attention on their jobs and friends; having no time for the marriage and family. “Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love. Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick out of his place, except thou repent”. Rev 2:4-5
- Orange Marriage. Marriage at this level has grown beyond “yellow level”, since nothing is done to arrest the situation. It grows deeper into “matrimonial dillusion”. At this stage, it is not just about “drifting” from each other, it is about “hurting” each other. The marriage now involve outburst of anger, hatred, bickering, fighting, peace today; fight tomorrow, hurting each other with words, etc.
- Red Marriage (Proverbs 19:13-14). This is a bleeding marriage; it has gone beyond drifting and hurting to bleeding. The truth is, when marriage is not attended to at yellow level, it will grow orange before going to red, if the signal is still ignored. A red marriage is a terrible marriage. A marriage devoid of love, joy, care, affection, attention, communication and passion. It is full of total war, violence, all-out-battle, malice, cutting remarks, abusive words and murderous thoughts. A red marriage is a marriage at its worst. Some couples at this stage, seek for help in the right places, some in the wrong places, compounding their problems, some will not look for help from anybody, they will just remain like that fighting battles all their live while some will opt out of the marriage, ending up as divorcees. Proverbs 21:19
- Pink Marriage. This is the kind of marriage where the woman is in charge; ruling and reigning over the husband. In this kind of marriage, competition, rivalry, power struggle and in-fighting is the order of the day; making life difficult for everybody. The order of God is for the husband to be the head of the home and the wife submit to him. 1 Cor. 11:3, 8-9. Marriage is always difficult when this divine order from God is not followed and respected.
- Ash Marriage. This is the kind of home where the man is the head and the headache of the family. He is very harsh, wicked and difficult. Nobody can advise him, nobody can talk to him or influence him, he is just difficult, dictatorial and hard. These kinds of men are known to beat their wives, are abusive and violent. This is not the will of God for the family, though God commanded wives to love their husbands. He never said the woman should be treated as a footmat, rather, to be loved, cherish, nourished, care for and honoured. “Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.” Eccl 9:9
- Brown Marriage. A brown marriage is a marriage with a brown bed. A bed full of immoralities, infidelity and uncleanliness. God commanded us to keep sex only within the confines of marriage, not giving room for either pre-marital or extra-marital sex. “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge”. Hebrews 13:4. When marriage is brown, it will make the marriage to be a bleeding marriage, as the marriage loses its blood of trust, care, love, joy, peace, making things difficult at home.
- Blue Marriage. A blue marriage is a love-filled marriage, a marriage full of intimacy, bonding, care, attention, affection and passion. A blue kind of marriage is God’s idea of marriage, a place of peace and the presence of God. SOS 4:7-10
- White Marriage. A white marriage is a marriage of righteousness. A marriage whose foundation is on Christ. They are controlled by the Holy Spirit. Their home is based on biblical principles. In a white marriage, God is the final authority. Kindness is their attitude, holiness is the standard, love is their language, joy is their music. For your marriage to be sustained it must be white, it must be blue. Psalm 127:1
- Green Marriage. This is a growing marriage. A marriage that is growing daily towards God, towards each other, growing in love, intimacy, acceptance and wisdom. For your home to be all right and your marriage okay; it must be a growing marriage. As soon as your marriage stops growing; it will degenerate.
Every couple should know that there is something to learn about God, about each other, about marriage and family life, so don’t stop growing, keep on growing, keep at it, learn, improve, update yourself, don’t build an analog marriage in a digital world. Please note that to have a successful and blissful home; your marriage must be blue and white. For your marriage to remain blue and white, you must keep it green, your bed must also be green. SOS 1:15-17
Bisi Adewale is an international conference speaker on marriage and family life, the author of these best selling books: Secrets of an Irresistible Wife, Hot and Sizzling Marriage, 20 Highways to a successful Marriage, Before you say I Do, and more than 60 other best selling books on marriage, Parenting and family life.
He is the president of Family Booster Ministry and College of Marital Success (CMS) (Africa’s Premier Marriage Institute), Host of Family Booster Moments on TV, watched in many countries across the globe.
Bisi Adewale also hosts the popular Lagos Couples’ Conference and breakthrough for singles’ summit
Get a free book from him here, you can buy his books on amazon.com, konga.com or familybooster.com, join him on Facebook.com/totalfamilylife.