Stop kidding yourself. Your fiancé/fiancée will not change after wedding. Instead, he/she will get worse.
It’s no prophecy of doom. It has nothing to do with negative thinking. It’s just the reality. And if you face the reality today, it will save you a lot of heartaches and sadness later in life.
Does your fiancé/fiancée smoke, drink too much, beat you, cheat on you, keep late nights, nag, ogle, tell lies, boast, easily fly into a rage, or is he/she too possessive, lazy, talkative or greedy?
Does he/she never say “sorry” or “thanks”?
Has he/she promised to change after marriage? Or, do you believe you will make him/her change after marriage with your special skills and influence?
Ee-yaah! Sorry oo!
You are simply living a lie! Simply wallowing in self-deceit. Simply postponing the evil day.
If your fiancé/fiancée displays any mannerism or habit that you cannot condone after marriage, please call that relationship off now. Yes, right NOW!
During courtship, what people do is that they suppress, suspend or hide their true nature. Does that mean that they are hypocritical or false? Not really.
When a man and a woman start a relationship, they are blinded by love (or lust) initially. They try to put their best foot forward. They try to tolerate each other’s faults with the belief that such faults will disappear as time goes on. Furthermore, because they are not living together yet, they don’t get suffocated by each other’s faults and presence.
However, after marriage, couples wake up every morning to see each other. Even when they go out separately in the morning, they still return to face each other later in the day. They experience each other’s snoring; they see each other drool while asleep mouth open; they watch each other sleep-talk. They see each other tell lies. They experience each other’s laziness, dirtiness, carelessness, forgetfulness, meddlesomeness and pettiness.
If Oga releases a fart that rumbles like thunder and shakes the bed, making the mice to scamper to their holes, Madam responds with a fart that hisses like leaking gas but smells like a skunk and sends confusion and pandemonium among the houseflies and mosquitoes which assume it is pesticide.
You have seen your spouse’s nakedness – literally and figuratively. What else is new? Absolutely nothing.
You have made love many times: there is nothing novel or exotic about each other anymore. No need to pretend anymore. No need to impress each other anymore. It’s time to show your true colour: the real YOU – raw and unadulterated.
You feel trapped in the same house with the same person who exhibits the same irritating idiosyncrasies that never seem to get better, in spite of your numerous complaints. Your spouse has even promised many times to turn a new leaf. Still no result.
Having known each other in and out, having seen the worst of each other, and having tried to change each other without success, you become frustrated and try not to pretend anymore or overlook anything. After all, nobody is trying to win the other over anymore.
Gradually, a molehill grows – gets two heads, hands and feet and even a tail – to become a mountain. Former lovebirds become Tom and Jerry, bickering over trivialities. The house policy becomes: Do me, I do you. Wahala dey!
So, please stop wasting your time, hoping that your partner will change after marriage. Courtship is the golden opportunity to find out if there are things in your spouse you cannot stand in marriage. Whatever telltale signs you see during courtship should warn you of what you will likely have to live with all the days of your life.
If you can endure such faults, then go ahead and marry the person. But if you can’t, please call it quits in time. It is better you opt out of a relationship before marriage than walking into a marriage simply hoping that your partner will change.
Few – very few – change. Most people only have sad tales to tell. Don’t be one of them.
The irony is that while you may not be able to stand smoking, there are people that are not bothered one bit about their spouses’ smoking habit. While you may hate clubbing or night-crawling, there are people who see those who indulge in it as “cool and correct.” While you can’t stand talkative people, there are those who see such people as expressive and downright sexy.
So, don’t assume that there is something seriously wrong with you. The problem is that you are not compatible with your partner. So, rather than hope for change that will most likely never happen, why not just do the bidding of the lyrics of the song of The Manhattans that say: “Let’s just kiss and say goodbye.”?
It may seem hard now, but in future, you will be happy you did.
Your true sweetheart will surely come.